Team Raider Doesn't Mega Evolve
by NaturallyDark
Summary: Gallade from Team Raider has gotten jealous of the uber-kawaii magical girls from Team Charm, so he finds himself a Mega Stone. Need I say more? A Pokemon Mystery Dungeon crackfic.


**I'm sorry. I lied.**

* * *

Team Raider watched Team Charm in irritation as they frolicked about through the streets. They had been running around all morning, yelling something about 'magical girls' and 'uber-kawaii.' But while Roserade and Rhyperior sat back in their seats at Spinda's Café and accepted that they were far inferior to the three girls, Gallade paced back and forth with his hands behind his back.

"We need a way to show them up!" he announced for the fourth time. "A way to prove to them that we are totally cooler than them!"

"It's no use, man," Rhyperior sighed, taking a sip of his roseli berry juice. "They have Mega Evolutions; we don't."

Gallade scrunched up his forehead, then grinned and snapped his fingers. "That's it! We'll Mega Evolve, too!"

Rhyperior stared at him. "But I just said we don't – "

"Screw the rules!" Gallade yelled, jumping on top of the table unexpectedly. "I'll go out and find Mega Stones right now!" Then he leapt gracelessly off the table and dashed away. Roserade glanced tiredly at Rhyperior, then went back to her crossword puzzle.

"Hey, bro, what's eight letters long, has 'b' as the third letter, and is a synonym for 'moron?'" she asked, tapping her pencil on the paper.

"That's a hard one," Rhyperior said, nibbling on his straw. "Let me think on that one." Roserade nodded and went on to the next word.

About half an hour later, Gallade burst into the café again and yelled, "Guys, it's time to go to WAR!"

"'Imbecile,'" Rhyperior said. "Now I remembered. The word is 'imbecile.'"

Gallade galloped over to their table, grabbed it from the underside, and flipped it high into the air. His teammates frowned at him, clearly unimpressed.

"Do you know how much the drinks around here cost?" Rhyperior asked. "You totally owe me another one."

"Listen, listen!" Gallade interrupted. "I found a Mega Stone!" He held out a round, polished stone and a smaller stone. "Hold this!" Excitedly, he tossed the small stone at Roserade, hitting her in the eye. While she cursed and put her hands over her eye, Rhyperior picked up the small stone and inspected it.

Gallade began to glow with a magical pink light and Japanese anime music started playing. The other patrons of the café glared over at Team Raider, evidently unhappy about the distraction. Gallade's arms began to turn white, and red spikes extended from them. The red spike on his chest became smaller, and the spike on his head grew sharper. A flowing blue cape appeared on his back.

The pink light burst outwards, blinding several patrons, but Roserade had already gone back to her crossword and Rhyperior was in the line for a new drink.

"Take a look at me!" Gallade yelled excitedly. "Stuff happened to my spikes! Now I'm uber-fabulous!"

"Congratulations," Roserade congratulated. "What's an eight-letter word that's a synonym to 'endurance?'"

"Now, let's go to war against Team Charm!" Gallade suggested.

Rhyperior ordered his drink and shook his head.

"Dude, that's suicide. Only one of us has a Mega Evolution, and that's..._you_."

"Until the two of us get Mega Evolutions, wouldn't it be better if we waited to 'go to war' with – oh, I got it! The word is 'patience!'"

"There's no time like the present!" Gallade said. "If you won't come with me, I'll go alone. And I'll go right now! Up, up, and away!"

He ran away with his arms flailing over his head.

About three minutes later, he fell through the entrance to the café and dragged his completely beaten-up body over to his table. Rhyperior raised an eyebrow at him.

"So, how was the battle?" he asked.

Instead of replying, Gallade let out a whimper.

"Did they kick your butt?" Roserade asked.

Gallade said nothing, but a tear trickled down his face.

Roserade and Rhyperior observed him for another moment, then went back to their respective crossword puzzle and drink. And nobody did anything productive all day.


End file.
